When Your Children are Not Welcome; Banning Babies at a Wedding
The past few months have been a whirlwind for the Banana Family! We welcomed our 3rd son in December and now have a 3 year old, an almost 2 year old, and a 4 month old. We made it through those hectic first few months where we nurse all the time and I finally feel like I can attend properly to all 3 boys at once (and maybe some housework!). I feel very very very lucky and blessed.
So....Mr. Banana and I were looking forward to attending his brother's wedding (he's supposed to be in the wedding). We had discussed seeing if Grandma (my Mom) could watch our toddlers so we could take our 4 m/o baby (exclusively breastfed, ant not our toddlers). I even ordered a woven wrap for the occasion (okay, I also needed an excuse to order a woven wrap). Never even crossed my mind that our baby wouldn't be allowed (also was dreaming of little tuxedos).
I was shocked and taken back when I was messaged over facebook and told that this is a 'no child' wedding. We had not planned on taking our toddlers anyway, but to be told that they're not welcome by future relatives is hurtful. I LOVE my babies. More then anything. However, I suppose that before I had my babies I too may have not understood the bond between parents and their children, but would like to think that I would not have issued a child ban on such an occasion.
After regrouping and talking with DH, because being 'in' a wedding is a considerable financial strain on our family, plus a wedding gift etc....we figured we could ask, even in lieu of the not-welcome message, if we could just take the baby - Also so I don't have to tote along my breast pump and pump four times (probably stuck in a bathroom) during the event, which would really mean I'd have a miserable time. We returned to our relative and future relative....and again were told that no children are allowed....no exceptions.... not even just the baby. So bottom line is, we come without our children (and pay for a tux rental and gift etc.) or aren't welcome at all....
For me my family, especially my beautiful children, will always come first - and the Banana family will be spending our time elsewhere that evening. After speaking with other breastfeeding Moms, I find that others have similar stories or situations (also glad I'm not the only one!). Does being your baby's food supply give an exception to a no-children rule? Has this happened to you? Have you had to pump AT a wedding in lieu of taking your breastfed baby, or missed out on going at all? Where do you think social etiquette stands on this subject?
Post update: I was able to attend the wedding for about 3 hours so I didn't have to pump at the event in my dressy-dress. Hubby went ahead of me, since he was actually in his brother's wedding, and I waited until the reception to arrive. Other family members, who were not allowed to bring their baby, ended up leaving the event to get him because he was having a melt down with his baby sitter. He returned to the reception and had a wonderful time! I find it odd, and possibly it's our culture, that an event meant to celebrate life and the bringing together of two persons, often with the hopes of beginning or making a family, would exclude babies. I'm sure everyone feels differently. As always thanks for stopping by and have a great day!