When Your Children are Not Welcome; Banning Babies at a Wedding



     The past few months have been a whirlwind for the Banana Family! We welcomed our 3rd son in December and now have a 3 year old, an almost 2 year old, and a 4 month old. We made it through those hectic first few months where we nurse all the time and I finally feel like I can attend properly to all 3 boys at once (and maybe some housework!). I feel very very very lucky and blessed.
     So....Mr. Banana and I were looking forward to attending his relative's wedding (he's supposed to be in the wedding). We had discussed seeing if Grandma (my Mom) could watch our toddlers so we could take our baby (exclusively breastfed). I even ordered a woven wrap for the occasion (okay, I also needed an excuse to order a woven wrap). Never even crossed my mind that our baby wouldn't be allowed (also was dreaming of little tuxedos).
     I was shocked and taken back when I was told that this is a 'no child' wedding. We had not planned on taking our toddlers anyway, but to be told that they're not welcome by future relatives is hurtful. I LOVE my babies. More then anything. However, I suppose that before I had my babies I too may have not understood the bond between parents and their children, but would like to think that I would not have issued a child ban on such an occasion.
     After regrouping and talking with DH, because being 'in' a wedding is a considerable financial strain on our family, plus a wedding gift etc....we figured we could ask if we could just take the baby - Also so I don't have to tote along my breast pump and pump four times (probably stuck in a dirty bathroom) during the event. We also determined that we do not have a sitter at all for our children. We returned to our relative and future relative....and again were told that no children are allowed....no exceptions.... not even just the baby. So bottom line is, we come without our children (and pay for a tux rental and gift etc.) or aren't welcome at all....
     For me my family, especially my beautiful children, will always come first - and the Banana family will be spending our time elsewhere that evening. After speaking with other breastfeeding Moms, I find that others have similar stories or situations (also glad I'm not the only one!). Has this happened to you? Have you had to pump AT a wedding in lieu of taking your breastfed baby, or missed out on going at all? Where do you think social etiquette stands on this subject?

Post update: I was able to attend the wedding for about 3 hours so I didn't have to pump at the event. My Mom, who was previously unable to watch our babies ended up not leaving the state as planned. Other family members, who were not allowed to bring their baby, ended up leaving the event to get him because he was having a melt down with his baby sitter. He had a wonderful time at the event. I find it odd, and possibly it's our culture, that an event meant to celebrate life and the bringing together of two persons, often with the hopes of beginning or making a family would exclude babies. I'm sure everyone feels differently. As always thanks for stopping by and have a great day!
    

7 comments:

boomer1 said...

This happen to us too, we ended up skipping two weddings because our EBF infant was not welcome at the wedding. they didn't have to count her as a wedding guest as she would be held the whole time, but brides without children just don't care. Some day karma will come around when they are asked to leave their infant home!

Kathryn said...

I'm in the situation. My sister-in-law is getting married this fall and we will have an 8-week old newborn who I plan on being EBF at that point. My husband is in the wedding party and it is a destination wedding cross country. I have been told that my presence is expected but the newborn is not permitted at the wedding or reception.
We have a relative that will travel with us and take care of the baby so I can make an appearance during the wedding and reception but I am expecting challenges running back and forth between the wedding and hotel room for feeding. This has been such a stress and the baby isn't even here yet!

Michelle Tamasa said...

I should probably also add, I hired a couple of family teens to babysit inside the church. It makes a difference, doesn't it?

Michelle Tamasa said...

I was hoping you were just trying to think of a response to my first comment, not the one already published here, the one before it. I actually took the time to write out a view point that disagrees with yours. I was hoping you'd at least read it, think about it, not just delete it.

Mama Banana said...

Hi Michelle, I do have 2 comments published from you here. I am always open to healthy fair discussion and other viewpoints. I moderate comments because not everyone attempting to post to the blog is a person, there are automated posts with links that google forbids.

Megan H. said...

Yes, we have had some of both. We had one wedding where children were invited, and one where they weren't. We didn't go to the one where kids weren't allowed because I was nursing. It definitely left a bad taste in my mouth and I don't bother with that relative anymore.

Kelly Faber said...

It is very hard as a mom to not be able to bring your EBF baby with you, but I can also see the bride/groom view for not wanting kids and babies there. All that that means is that you'll only be able to attend for a few hours....